!44: Single Parents - When Your Children Go on Vacation With Your Ex | !44: Best Buy All Of The Above Shelley Pearsall

!±8± Single Parents - When Your Children Go on Vacation With Your Ex

If you are a single parent with young children it can be difficult to send your children off on vacation with your ex-spouse. I remember how difficult it was the first time my children left for vacation with their dad. My children were particularly young at 2 and 4 years of age.

If you are like me, your dream of having a family probably included the adventure of taking family vacations. I looked forward to experiencing new places, taking road trips or flying with my children. I wanted to be there with my children to experience the adventure with them.

I understand how heart breaking it can be to feel deprived of getting to experience the vacation with your children. This is one more aspect of divorce that can be difficult to accept. You may not like it. You wish it were different. Yet what can you do?

The reality is that you and your former spouse will be taking the children on separate vacations. So, what can you do to make this experience pleasant for your children?

First, here are some ideas of what you can do for your children:

Comfort. Let the children take something along on the trip that brings them comfort. Young children can have problems with separation from a parent, especially if they will not be seeing them for a number of days. Suggestions; an object, blanket, special stuffed animal, a picture of the parent not going, or whatever may bring comfort to the child.

Notes/Cards/Pictures. If your children will be gone for several days, think about writing them a note or a card for them to open every day that they are away. Possibly include a picture or draw a picture if the child is too young to read.

Care Package. Prepare a package with a travel activity appropriate for the age of the child. This could be a sticker book, picture book, coloring book, game, cards, or magazine. You could include a special treat or snack that the child would enjoy. This could be combined with a note/card/picture mentioned above. Preparing a package for everyday the child is gone can give them something to look forward to each day.

You can number the packages and build upon the surprise from the day before. You could follow a theme.

Second, here are some things you need to do for your children:

Contact. Allow and/plan for the children to have contact with the other parent. If you are the parent taking the children on vacation, you could schedule a time/days for the children to speak with the other parent.

Be Supportive. Whether you are the parent taking the children on vacation or the parent staying behind, for the best interest of the children you need to be supportive. As much as it may hurt to send your children off on vacation without you, you need to appear supportive.

If the children sense that you are okay with them going on a trip without you, the more accepting they will be of the idea. If they sense that you do not want them to go, or that this is really difficult for you, the harder it will be for the children.

Likewise, if you are the parent taking the children on vacation, you need to be supportive of allowing the children to connect with the other parent while they are away. As the adult, you need to make the effort to call the other parent and let the children speak to them.

Be Encouraging. If you are not the parent taking the children on vacation, for the sake of the children you need to be encouraging and reassuring to your children. Reassure them that you love them and will miss them, yet you are excited for them. Encourage them to go and have a good time. Let them know it is okay to go and have fun.

I understand what I am suggesting may be hard. You may be thinking to yourself, but I don't want them to go. You may be concerned that the children will not have a good time, your ex-spouse will not take good care of them, or that they may have a really good time without you and that is hurtful.

Think of the Children. This is when you need to put your feelings aside and think about what is best for the children. Reality is that they will be going on vacations without you and you will be taking them on vacation without the other parent. What can you do to make the vacations with you and without you most enjoyable for the children? How do you want your ex-spouse to handle the vacations you take with the children?

As your children may be preparing to take vacation with your former spouse, I encourage you to put any anger or ill feelings you have towards your ex-spouse aside. Think of your children and what is best for them. How can you be supportive and help make this a positive experience for your children? Realize taking separate vacations without one of their parents is probably more difficult for the children than it is for you.